journal – always feel this way

Chaos spins around me as I attempt to make two large and different pots of soup at the same time… preparing lunches and dinners for the weeks ahead. My husband is lying on the sofa recovering from a back injury…

I’m standing in the kitchen with my baby in a sling, tucked against my chest… she won’t sleep and keeps leaning her head back to stare up at me. My six-year-old is running circles around me, pretending to be a superhero – again. My four-year-old is making me a new rug to the cover the kitchen floor that she hates, by cutting paper into teeny-tiny pieces and gluing them to the floor. Agh.

My head is spinning… I try not to think of the messes surrounding me and try to focus on making enough soup to freeze, with hopes of eliminating some future cooking, all before the baby needs to nurse again.

Through all noise I hear an old familiar and favorite song in the background… “I hope I always, always, feel this way…”

I stop to listen more closely and begin to smile… “even strangers seem to notice… your lovin’ trip me and I fell…”

I look around… everything is in slow motion and my frustrations start to fade…

I listen nostalgically to a song that I first heard when I was 23 and falling in love with Andrew. I remember connecting to this song and hoping that “I always feel this way!”

I start laughing… 7 years and 3 kids later… do I still feel that way…?

The messes are endless and reoccurring, I have sleepy eyes, a loud and often crazy home, my husband is gone a lot… ugh. I don’t still feel that way. I don’t get super excited and all gitty, smiling with butterflies every time I see him… I don’t get dressed up and fix my hair or make-up before he gets home (I do brush my teeth though!)… I don’t feel as young and energetic as did then…

But… I feel loved… I feel complete… I feel peaceful and hopeful, confident and appreciated… I feel inspired and creative…

And all of a sudden, this love song that I adore and reminds me of falling in love with my husband, now has a new context. I have a deeper connection with Andy and we share a deeper love than we did then.

And once again, I find myself thinking, “I hope I always feel this way…”

I hope I always feel like waking up to kiss my husband, to enjoy a cup of coffee together as our kids run wild, and before our daily responsibilities consume us…

I hope I always feel like he is the most important person in my life… the one who sticks by me, cares for me, and always lets me change my mind…

I hope I always feel like conquering Mt. Laundry again and again and again so that our family is dressed and cared for…

I hope I always feel like cooking healthy meals to help our family thrive…

I hope I always feel like staying up late to talk and play games, or to just enjoy the peace & quietness together…

I hope I always feel like we trust, support, respect, and encourage one another…

I hope we always feel like forgiving each other and growing closer together…

I hope we “always take our time, be sure to make me yours, I’ll be sure to make you mine…”

After all this time, I still love Andy, but it’s more than just romance and fun…

It’s real, it’s hard, it’s true, it’s new and exciting, sometimes it’s boring… but I hope I always feel like making it fun again and staying together through the rocky times… “cause you got what I want,  yes you do! You’ve got what I need, oh you know it’s true… and I hope I always feel this way!”

*click on our photo above to hear Tristan Prettyman’s song, “Always Feel This Way”

**i wrote this in my journal a few weeks ago. during the peak of the chaos, my friend amanda showed up at our house, unannounced, with a few meals for me to keep on hand in the freezer… she’s a super-mom! homeschooling her 7 kiddos, she still makes time to show love for friends! happy valentine’s day everyone!!

 

 

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Katryna - February 13, 2015 - 9:58 pm

you guys are a big inspiration to me. I hope I’ll find a love like yours someday. ❤️.

mae taylor - February 15, 2015 - 2:21 pm

You will Kat!! Hugs!!

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